Lily is Being So Brave

Grateful doesn't even begin to express how I feel right now.  I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders.  There were so many people thinking of us and praying for all of us and your prayers were heard and felt.  

Yesterday was a very long day.  We had to be at the hospital at 11 and all she had to eat was 1.5 Popsicles and a glass of juice.  Her surgery time was supposed to be at 1 o'clock so all liquids were stopped at 10am.  She didn't go into surgery until 4 and only once asked for something to eat.  I thought she was pretty understanding when I told her why she still couldn't have anything to eat, and went back to playing contently in the waiting room.  Or just took a nap.

I told Justin I would be the one taking her into the OR, I find it difficult to do but the one time I didn't I cried just as much but on top of it felt guilty for not taking her as I felt it was my duty.  This time it was like a déjà vu, being wheeled on the bed carrying her to the OR getting suited up and carrying her in, it felt like the last time I did this was just days before, not years.  They had to start an IV which she was really not happy about even after taking meds to make her drowsy...they never seem to work well on her.  I started my meltdown there in the OR, as per usual, put her on the table, and gave her a big kiss and told her how much I loved her and to be brave.

Amazingly after a few minutes I really started to feel peace which I had been praying for for weeks and I stayed composed until the surgeon came out to talk to us.  He reported everything had gone well and she would be out shortly.  Then the tears of relief came flowing.  About 30 minutes later she came rolling by on her way into the PICU, they slowed down so I could give her a kiss, then on cue, more tears started flowing.  The PICU was closed for entry for about 30 min so we waited to go in and see her.  Naturally it felt like hours.  

I was surprised how good she looked and how warm she was!  Last time she was so swollen in her face and freezing cold.  Within the hour she was already waking up, as her sedation is also much lower this time because she came out of the operating room without breathing tubes, as is optimal for this surgery.   

She was very much herself when she would wake, but a slow drugged version of herself.  Her first words were "I hoe-nee" which is how she says I'm hungry, followed by asking me to please get her apple juice.  It was breaking my heart that we couldn't give her anything, she had to wait 4 hours before they could start giving her ice chips.  We swabbed her mouth with a wet sponge pop and she sucked every spec of water out of it and then she gave us a little smile, which melted my heart.  Justin told her to go back to sleep and when she woke up she could have something to drink, she turned her head and started her fake snoring sounds, we couldn't help but laugh at her when she did that!   I went back to the Ronald McDonald house and Justin stayed with her, I came back to relieve him at 6 this morning.

This morning when I came in she caressed my cheek and gave me a kiss.  She is such a sweet girl with such a tender heart.  So brave.

I love being her mom.  I am so happy to rush to her side at every movement or sound that she makes to see what she needs.  I love to hear her call for me, and being there for her.  This morning when I came in I gave her kisses and she made the effort to caress my cheek with her hand and when I told her that I loved her she said, really? In a questioning voice like she always does, and I say of course! and she smiles and says, "Oh, Thank You".  Such a sweetie. I can't get over how well she is handling everything! She listens to what we say and seems to understand and accept the explanations we give her.  

They just did some rounds and in the middle of them Lily says "see mom I'm brave." So precious .  They were just talking, but she was not putting up a fuss that they were there like she normally would. I couldn't be prouder of how well she is taking all of this, clearly prayers are being heard and answered!